If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon.

The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.

I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it.

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.

A single question can be more influential than a thousand statements.

Only the mediocre are always at their best.

I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.

The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.

I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.