There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so.

They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

A man may be so much of everything that his is nothing of anything.

What art offers is space - a certain breathing room for the spirit.

The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood.

To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

We grow weary of things (and perhaps soonest) which we most desire.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face .... turned me over and said. Look ... twins!

Nihilism is best done by professionals.

We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.