I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

True friends stab you in the front.

What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Outer space is no place for a person of breeding.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.

Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

The summer night is like a perfection of thought.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.