No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.

The aspects of things that are most important to us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity.

Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression.

Everybody sooner or later, sits down to a banquet of consequences.

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.

All phone calls are obscene.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind it only the slime of bureaucracy.