Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses.

There are two main human sins from which all the others derive: impatience and indolence. It was because of impatience that they were expelled from Paradise; it is because of indolence that they do not return. Yet perhaps there is only one major sin: impatience. Because of impatience they were expelled, because of impatience they do not return.

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

There is no personal charm so great as the charm of a cheerful temperament.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.

Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.

Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.

Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.

Since the human body tends to move in the direction of its expectations -- plus or minus -- it is important to know that attitudes of confidence and determination are no less a part of the treatment program than medical science and technology.

Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.