Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

Advice to writers: Sometimes you just have to stop writing. Even before you begin.

To do two things at once is to do neither.

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

A man does not plant a tree for himself; he plants it for posterity.

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

The trouble with normal is it always gets worse.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.

If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.