My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool.

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Shave and go home.