Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.

To be amused by what you read--that is the great spring of happy quotations.

To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.

Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.

I know not, sir, whether Bacon wrote the works of Shakespeare, but if he did not it seems to me that he missed the opportunity of his life.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

This is one of those views which are so absolutely absurd that only very learned men could possibly adopt them.

Living in a vacuum sucks.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.

To me, photography is an art of observation. It's about finding something interesting in an ordinary place... I've found it has little to do with the things you see and everything to do with the way you see them.

If men were angels, no government would be necessary.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.