Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.

He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet.

First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.

Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night.

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.

The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish.

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.

Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion.