Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

I improve on misquotation.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

Life is a long lesson in humility.

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?

It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.

Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain.

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.