The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.

Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse.

Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.

Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.

What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.

There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is a willingness to contemplate what is happening.