To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.