It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

I no longer prepare food or drink with more than one ingredient.

My work is a game, a very serious game.

The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block.

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.

I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.

Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others.

Reading this book is like waiting for the first shoe to drop.

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance.

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.

In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.

Never confuse movement with action.

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.