A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.

Dance like it hurts - Love like you need money - Work when people are watching.

You've got to take the bitter with the sour.

Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.

2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

Why do writers write? Because it isn't there.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.