When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Only the shallow know themselves.

Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.

There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience.

The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.

It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.