Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

All marriages are mixed marriages.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

He may be mad, but there's method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It's what drives men mad, being methodical.

To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

We're actors - we're the opposite of people.

Someone's boring me. I think it's me.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more in old age, as a fine building should be seen by morning light, at noon and by moonlight.

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right.

My Karma ran over your dogma.